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lyrics

my chest is cold
my body feels old
when i turn 30 I will feel secure about everything

maybe that’s a lie
but it’s getting me through
these shaking thighs, and nervous eyes, god is the world burning? or is it me?
in the smoke do I smell flesh? or is that anxious sweat?

am i doing this right?
who cares? I care
Too much
I can’t anymore

please let me fool you
i need this tonight
shoulders back and head held high
what is my life without these lies?

sometimes i walk to the elevator
dance til i can’t feel my feet
just so our eyes can meet

I squeeze my nose when I don’t know what to say
I saw you watching

3am I brush you aside
Don’t know why I ever held you tight
Too many times I give more than I have
All because I’m still learning what I need
One is right, if two doesn’t feel good
Don’t say I’m wrong

credits

from When I turn 30 (I'll feel secure about everything), released September 20, 2019

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tags

about

xioma Columbus, Ohio

i tell new pals i grew up in a bomb shelter when they are not understanding that i do not get their pop culture reference.

“but that show is REALLY FAMOUS.”
“bomb shelter.”
and then they get it. but the bomb shelter is a metaphor (?). in truth, i was raised in a fundie christian home.

i write music to process my shame/grief/rage/gratitude around it all.

ty for being here. <3
... more

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