1. |
Wild Woman
03:10
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Wait there, let me put my anger in my pocket
Now honey you are free to talk it out
you can talk it out
you can talk and talk and talk it out
I walked you drunk up the stairs into your room
Closed the door held the hands of your little ones
as they looked at me and asked me why
I was a flame in falling rain
Now I’m vapor surrounding
I’m not your little girl
You made me fight you
Can’t you see this wild woman?
Wait there, let me stuff my feelings back up my sleeve
Now you can say you don’t believe me
You don’t believe me
You don’t believe
I caught you drinking in the garage it was raining
You stormed into the house complaining
I lied to them, not for you, I lied for them
You threw a chair in the wall we walked by it
Waiting for it to fall but it lingered there
Til we jerked it out patched the hole
I was a flame caught in falling rain
Now I’m vapor surrounding
I’m not your little girl
You made me fight you
Can’t you see this wild woman?
I don’t blame you
Just don’t act like you were holding me, when I was holding you
I’m not what you think, a woman ought to be
I was the vapor in the passing storm
Now I’m the strength in the trees
I’m not your little girl
I can walk down a dark street
Can’t you see?
I was a tree on the coldest day
Now I’m the warmth around you
I’m not your little girl
Saved myself from your dark days
Can’t you see this wild woman?
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2. |
Stranger
02:48
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you must own the world
I am a stranger here
you take in my body
and I don’t say a word
i walk on the road
you have space on the sidewalk
I smile when you walk in
you don’t owe a thing
all i want is to be seen
i’m in your face, but you’re still taking up my space
you talk and talk about things i’ve always know
I think you think you own me
if I say it just right
if I point out all your errors
Apologize for speaking out
Will you believe me then?
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3. |
Mother
03:51
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You brought me into this world, should I let myself out?
I didn’t mean what I said when I said nothing at all
How one could have the love to grow a life then let it go I don’t know
I don’t know
I’d owe a thousand lives and still not repay all the light you gave to me
How can I say?
You are as certain as the sun when the world feels unsure
Mother I know
I have broken your heart in a million pieces, yet your open arms remain
You are the fight in me, the life I give so easily
Without you, I wouldn’t be
So I put my head on your lap, you stroke my hair
And I’m sorry I get angry when you don’t see what I see
You gave me eyes, taught me to think free
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4. |
Images
05:01
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I can’t get my mind in the right place
Images of my body sinking in deep water I feel better
I can’t get my mind in the right place
Images of a knife sliding through my own skin
I feel relief
Please, doctor, cut from the front of my forehead to my skull
See that’s my brain nothing looks normal at all
Please take the parts that make me think too much
What do you charge? I’m not sure what’s real
Please are you cutting? I can’t feel anything at all
I can’t get my mind in the right place
Imagine I walk careless into the traffic
I fade out
I can’t get my mind in the right place
Images of the earth from far, far away
I’m not there
Am I sick?
I see the white wall, my feet, chipping paint, bright blue, sun shadow
I feel limb on limb, cold feet, burning chest, heart twitch in my eye
I smell laundry soap, a tree from outdoors
I taste coffee breath
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5. |
Normal
03:44
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humans in the kitchen making tea with milk
humans in my living room making jokes or not— I’m in love
humans in the bathroom snorting cocaine
everything is clearer when you’re not insane— what i’d give
normal hair, normal stare
normal this, normal that
don’t look here, there’s nothing there
just a normal normal norm
i sell a piece of my soul
they slip me their approval
i like what they like- do they like me?
you’re the cup of a coffee i hold in my hands
whisper to my body i’ll be warm again, my dear friend
you smell like the book i read when i was 10
reassuring me again, and again i don’t need
my dear friend, i’m home alone
can’t leave again, leave again, leave again
my own breath’s become a sin
can’t pretend
you knock three times, i know what that means
i knock back
with my crazy hair, anxious stare
racing thoughts, empty heart
thought i’d always run away
but you ran with me
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6. |
Who cares?
04:07
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my chest is cold
my body feels old
when i turn 30 I will feel secure about everything
maybe that’s a lie
but it’s getting me through
these shaking thighs, and nervous eyes, god is the world burning? or is it me?
in the smoke do I smell flesh? or is that anxious sweat?
am i doing this right?
who cares? I care
Too much
I can’t anymore
please let me fool you
i need this tonight
shoulders back and head held high
what is my life without these lies?
sometimes i walk to the elevator
dance til i can’t feel my feet
just so our eyes can meet
I squeeze my nose when I don’t know what to say
I saw you watching
3am I brush you aside
Don’t know why I ever held you tight
Too many times I give more than I have
All because I’m still learning what I need
One is right, if two doesn’t feel good
Don’t say I’m wrong
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7. |
||||
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everything is clearer when you’re not insane
listen to your body but don’t trust your brain
no feeling is ever final
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xioma Columbus, Ohio
i tell new pals i grew up in a bomb shelter when they are not understanding that i do not get their pop culture
reference.
“but that show is REALLY FAMOUS.”
“bomb shelter.”
and then they get it. but the bomb shelter is a metaphor (?). in truth, i was raised in a fundie christian home.
i write music to process my shame/grief/rage/gratitude around it all.
ty for being here. <3
... more
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